There was a tradesman, a painter named Wayne, who was very interested in making a penny where he could,
so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.
As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually the Baptist Church decided to do a big
restoration job on the painting of one of their biggest buildings. Wayne put i n a bid, and because his price
was so low, he got the job.
And so he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am
sorry to say, thinning it down with turpentine.
Well, Wayne was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed when suddenly there was a
horrendous clap of thunder, and the sky opened, the rain poured down,washing the thinned paint from all over
the church and knocking Wayne clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn among the gravestones, surrounded
by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.
Wayne was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got on his knees and cried:
"Oh, God! Forgive me! What should I do?" And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke...
(you're going to love this)
"Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"
In his sermon on Trinity Sunday 2005, the Rector of St. John’s York Mills Anglican Parish said that one reason
why the doctrine of the Trinity (ONE God and THREE Persons) was difficult to explain or comprehend is that the
English language is somewhat limited. For example, a particular can have one meaning for the speaker and an
entirely different meaning for the listener. He provided two examples:
Last week while driving south on Yonge Street in Toronto, I saw a sign in a restaurant window.
It advertised ‘FREE POOL WITH LUNCH’. My first reaction - a POOL would be great in our
back garden for the summer, and to get it FREE would be a wonderful gift for the parish.
All for the price of a LUNCH. Not a bad deal. Of course, the restaurant owner’s definition
of the word POOL was totally different from my interpretation.
The same thing happened to the Queen. Some years ago, before her arrival at a plant,
famous for its cookies, candies and other dietary goodies, the workers were given
strict instructions to speak only in response to her Majesty’s questions. She approached
a man who was mixing together white and dark chocolate. Curious, she asked the worker,
‘What do you make?’. He replied, ‘Six dollars and fifty cents per hour’. Here again, the
word MAKE had an entirely different meaning for the Queen and the candy worker.
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Wally, and his wife, Carolyn, listened to the instructor declare, ‘It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.’ He addressed the man....’Can you describe your wife's favourite flower?’
Wally leaned over, touched Carolyn's arm gently and whispered, ‘Robin Hood All-Purpose, isn't it?’ And thus began Wally's life of celibacy .
A southern Baptist minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he sat down.
The Choir Leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."
Please send your favourite jokes and humorous stories, which may be e-mailed to the Rector, Hollis Hiscock,